He’s walking away… and I’m loving the view…

He would grab her from her wrist and pull her towards him with passion you would only see in movies, she would fall into his arms and allow him to shower her with kisses, kisses she was craving for so long.
Yeah… dreams… Good fun aren’t they?

There was this friend she knew in school her name was Phases… obviously not a name her parents picked out… but a name that suits her well… for she went through different phases through out those years they knew each other…
Punk rocker phase, typical Kuwaiti phase, slutty phase, boy crazy phase and who could forget the oh so famous Goth/emo phase…
You might wonder how she fits in this story… well she had a thing for Stranger… a school girl crush which she shared quite openly with me… and being the person I am… I listened… mocked silently… and listened some more…
Our parents knew each other and it wasn’t so easy to break bonds that parents so desperately want you to keep.
So I would occasionally hang out with her and listen to her boy crazy stories and laugh when needed…

Phases: what do you think of Stranger?
Dreamer: huh?
Phases: What do you think of stranger? I really like him… Oh my God… he’s soooo HOT !!!!
Dreamer: aha… hot ha?
Phases: oh come on dreamer… u have to admit he’s hot…!!!!
Dreamer: listen!!! He’s hot-ish… but he’s also a sleaze bag with no respect for anyone and especially no respect for girls… I don’t know why you want to be associated with him…
Phases: you’re sooo mean!!!!! He only says the nicest things about you

Shit… could she see me blushing…? I hid my face in the crappy teen magazine I was pointlessly looking at.
Why would he say nice things about me? He doesn’t even know me?
Why would he even talk about me AT ALL?!!!

Phases: yeah well… whatever… I like him and I think he’s seriously hot… he reminds me of Orlando Bloom.
Dreamer: EW… Shut up!!!!

Phases gets a message… reads it and smiles…

Phases: let’s go to starbucks… I need my caffeine.
Dreamer: can’t you get your caffeine at home?
Phases: Nope…
Dreamer: uuugghhhh FINE.

Sitting at starbucks staring at that damn magazine again…

Dreamer: someone should force feed this stick insect!! EW her ribs are showing… that’s just nasty… she looks like she’s going to break… seriously look at this…
Stranger: ok… gimme a look.
OMG!!!! No F***ing way!!!!!

Dreamer: what are you doing here?
Stranger: phases told me you two were here so I thought I would drop by and say hi.
Dreamer: ummm you saw us at school just a couple of hours ago
Stranger: can’t get enough of seeing you…
Dreamer: take a picture… it’ll last longer
Stranger: ouch… can’t you be a bit nicer to me since I’m making the effort?
Dreamer: Nope…
Stranger: Phases, how are you doing?
Phases: *sigh* I’m fine

Freaking raging hormones!!!
Stranger sat down next to me and starting fiddling with my bag… Does he not know that it’s rude to look inside a girl’s purse?
Who am I kidding? Off course he doesn’t know… he has no manners!!!! The animal!!!!

Dreamer: will you please stop touching things that don’t belong to you?
Stranger: just a matter of time before they do belong to me… *wink*

Did my heart just skip a beat?
Did I just shamelessly enjoy that tacky line?

Stranger: Anyway… it’s been fun girlies… but I gotta go meet a couple friends of mine…
Phases: Bye Stranger… Call me later okay?
Stranger: sure thing babe! Dreamer, it was good seeing you outside school
Dreamer: wish the feeling was mutual *mocking smile and looks back at that hideous picture of the anorexic chick*
Stranger: you’re not gonna make this easy for me are you? That’s ok… a guy always loves the challenge. Later

He walks out of starbucks and disappears into the mass of people outside…
Damn… he even looked good walking away…

Phases: you could have been nicer to him you know… he didn’t do anything to you…
Dreamer: I think you’ve lost your mind… is his toxic aftershave killing of your brain cells? Seriously you talk to me as if we’ve never talked about guys like him…
Phases: yeah well I like him…
Dreamer: Fine… Good for you… just make sure he doesn’t throw away your heart after he walks all over it when he’s done…
Phases: wow… you should write a book
Dreamer: I’m working on it

Both girls go home thinking about the same guy but in entirely different ways…
Phases was thinking about her wedding dress and naming their kids…
Dreamer was thinking about throwing something at him which would hurt him but not mess up his handsome face…

I swear it’s like we never talk anymore he said sadly…
I’m sorry but I’ve been really busy and all…
Yeah you keep saying that
I’m sorry
Yeah you said
I need to go to sleep I’ve got school tomorrow
Ok. Goodnight
Night

What is wrong with me?
I need to see someone? A professional…
This is mental!!!
I’m throwing away the best thing that ever happened to me… maybe… I think…
Fine by me as long as I get to see him walk away…

Liar Liar...

She found him to be arrogant and cocky… one of those guys you would try to avoid while walking down the street…
Apparently he could have any girl he set his eyes on whether the girl was attracted to him was beside the point.
He would look at her occasionally and hold her gaze…
Oh how stubborn she was… she wouldn’t look away unless he did it first.
Were they playing games from the start? Were they both knowingly preparing to become more than just strangers?
He was a lion eyeing his prey and just as a lion it was in his nature to go in for the kill

Stranger: what’s your name?

She looks up from her book… stares at him, trying so hard to keep her face from turning red…
Could he see right through her cuz the moment she looked at him for what seemed like an hour he smiled… that charming crooked smile and repeated his question this time coming closer to her and barely whispering…

Stranger: you know… I will find out your name whether you want me to or not I mean we do go to the same school, cant be that hard now can it?
Dreamer: well then… no point in you asking me…
She gave him a mocking smile and turned back to her book hoping to God he would walk away immediately.
She took a deep breath and pretended to be reading her book, just in case he was still standing there…
Was he still looking? Damn it… I should have let my hair down today… it always looked better bouncing around my shoulders… is my eyeliner smudged? I should have added more lip gloss when I went to the bathroom…
Why did she care so much?
Did it really matter to her how she looked to him?
She went home that day thinking about him with a shameful smile on her face…

The phone rings… she looks at his name and the smile fades but the shame stayed with her all day… she didn’t pick up… she didn’t pick up for the next 3 days…

Where have you been I’ve missed you he said… sounding concerned and anxious
I’ve been around… been busy with school work really… its killing me… you know being a senior and all she so calmly lied.
When did she become such a good liar? Yeah well… everyone is capable of lying as long as they have something they want to hide.

When was it a crime to be attracted to someone? She wasn’t married…
Hell… she wasn’t even engaged…
She wasn’t doing anything wrong… she wasn’t hurting anybody…
Or was she?

Enter Stranger…

Shouldn’t she have felt unbelievable joy when saying the words I love you?
She loved him didn’t she? Isn’t that why she said it to him? Or could she be so cruel as to say I love you and not mean it?
No she must have felt something or else these words wouldn’t have escaped her lips…
Lengthy conversations online turned into phone calls… mostly him calling her… but never the less she answered those phone calls and engaged him in conversations that not only made him feel closer to her but made him if possible love her even more.
She never mentioned this so called relationship to her best friend… how could she… she didn’t even know what she was doing… except maybe gradually building up her ego…
She was always known for being honest and straight forward yet somehow she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that she didn’t really know what she was feeling…
Then again what did she know about love? what it was or even what it felt like… so she lied to herself… she said she loved him… and believed it
He spoke about marriage and the perfect honeymoon and he even went as far as picking out baby names…
She was dumbstruck she couldn’t just scream out STOP although she wanted to, the small white lies she thought hurt no one started to show their scars on him and it was becoming harder for her to pull free from the web she had so carelessly woven.
But she kept thinking maybe I do love him maybe I’m just being overwhelmed by all this attention and care from one person.
She was the youngest of her siblings and quite accustomed to being taken care off although with her personality she didn’t need that care…
She somehow found it a sign of weakness maybe a sign of defeat when she said the words “I need help”
Good God she thought to herself I am quite messed up…
Maybe the love would have grown inside her if only they had more time but alas fate is quite cruel… the moment she felt comfortable enough with him the moment she felt at ease with what she chose to believe, in walks the person that would turn her world upside down…
In walks the person that would make her feel things she never knew she could… make her wonder bout things she never knew existed…
Walks in a stranger she never imagined to care for.

It started like any other day…

He had doomed their relationship even before it started.
He had placed her high up on a pedestal refusing to believe that she like many others before her is capable of making mistakes, capable of falling apart and most of all capable of hurting someone whether or not she intended to or not.
For so long it had been easy for them to talk, about anything and everything…
He mistook the ease they had between them as something more, maybe something meant to be.
She on the other hand only saw him as a friend, a person to talk to when no one else was around to flirt with.
She never assumed that made her a bad person, what was innocent flirting from time to time but harmless fun, she never expected anybody to take it seriously… well anybody that knew her as well as he did.
He might have been looking for something special but at her young age she was only looking for fun and gossip. The thought of something serious never crossed her mind not until a much later time in her life.
He spoke to her with such passion and care, making sure he said the right things at the right time and never had he ever made her uncomfortable or uneasy.
He asked her one day casually if she had her eyes on someone… someone that made her heart flutter the way she made his, off course the last part was never said out loud he made sure all his feelings were tucked away where she couldn’t even have guessed… something to do with being vulnerable and maybe an easy target to being hurt and walked all over by rejection.
She laughed at the thought of something serious and told him all she wanted to do was have fun.
How that translated in his mind as “you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with” was beyond her as after that day he confessed his undying love for her from the moment he set eyes on her.
She stared at the computer screen in awe… thinking to herself thank God for technology… thank God he cant see the look of complete shock on my face, thank God I can so easily appear offline and blame it on bad connection and forget it ever happened but something in her wanted to hear more… something in her was somehow longing to hear those exact words… maybe it was the part of her she so desperately hid from everyone, the soft side of her… the not so independent girl who could do everything alone and never needed anyone’s help… she shook her head and blamed those last thoughts on temporary insanity and resumed staring at her screen.
He stared at the screen waiting for her to say something but was feeling too anxious to wait… maybe she misunderstood maybe she didn’t get the message and what if something went so horribly wrong.
So he continued typing… not knowing that the more he typed the harder it was for her to ignore… the more he said the harder it was for her to let go… the more he confessed the crappier she felt about letting him down.
I love you…
And not like a sister but as something more… I’ve always felt it…
What the hell !!! how could she have missed that !!! how could such strong feelings be mistaken for friendship… she was working her brain for something to say…
I want you to be mine and mine alone…
I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you… I want to sweep u off your feet and make u feel like the princesses you are… I want to love you… please let me love you…
She looked at the screen and thought to herself
What the fuck is wrong with me… this guy was telling her what every girl dreams about being told
This guy was telling her what girls her age would only imagine that someone would tell them
He was opening up to her and all she could think about was oh please God make it stop I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to say… rewind rewind rewiiiiind !!!!!
He got the message she was trying to send with her silence and typed with sadness
It’s fine etha u don’t feel the same way, I understand it was never part of your plans but I want you to know that there is no one else for me out there and I will wait for you… however long it takes for you to accept that no one will love you the way I can, that no one would appreciate you the way I can…
So many mixed emotions…
Anger for one was bubbling inside her… who the hell does he think he is !!! how could he so selfishly tell her all that and expect her to just drop everything she had and run into his welcoming arms…
Wait a minute… what the hell is wrong with me… I’m angry at guy for loving me? I’m angry at a guy for telling me he had feelings for me?
Ok… calm down you stupid child… and focus
She typed slowly… checking and rechecking what she was typing just in case she was too harsh… or too forward…
Somehow the thoughts in her head weren’t the words she typed, the thoughts in her head were being masked by something much stronger…
I love you too…