My heart froze in its place and just as any reflex action I immediately snatched my hand back and placed it on the book… where it was supposed to be all along.
I looked up at the door expecting the worst…
And I felt myself relax as I saw some random guy looking for somewhere quite to study, the minute he saw us he apologized and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I wanted that door to stay open, I needed that door to stay open.
I sighed in relief and stared at the textbook refusing to look at him. I was so embarrassed, how could I let myself be swept away in the moment like that, how could I leave all reason and sanity outside that classroom door?
I felt myself blushing remembering the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice and that only made me even angrier.
I looked up at him rage and anger in my eyes.
And he just smiled.
Stranger: I’m sorry
And just like that all the rage drained out of me.
Dreamer: nothing to be sorry about.
Stranger: ok…
I looked at the textbook and wondered how something as simple as “yes, I’ll help you with bio” turn into something so complicated and strangely alluring.
And there I go again blushing like crazy, I placed a hand on my face and felt the heat building up, it was like I had a fever.
And just as if touching my face was an open invitation to him, he took my hand and placed it on his forehead.
Stranger: Do I have a fever? It feels like I have a fever….
Dreamer: You don’t have a fever… and give me my hand back… that’s like the oldest trick in the book you idiot…
Stranger: *slutty smile* caught me there.
I took my hand back and placed it on my lap… away from him.
I couldn’t afford to let that happen again.
He was toxic, he was poison…
He changed whatever came into his path… and sadly as I’ve noticed not to the better.
I looked up at the door expecting the worst…
And I felt myself relax as I saw some random guy looking for somewhere quite to study, the minute he saw us he apologized and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I wanted that door to stay open, I needed that door to stay open.
I sighed in relief and stared at the textbook refusing to look at him. I was so embarrassed, how could I let myself be swept away in the moment like that, how could I leave all reason and sanity outside that classroom door?
I felt myself blushing remembering the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice and that only made me even angrier.
I looked up at him rage and anger in my eyes.
And he just smiled.
Stranger: I’m sorry
And just like that all the rage drained out of me.
Dreamer: nothing to be sorry about.
Stranger: ok…
I looked at the textbook and wondered how something as simple as “yes, I’ll help you with bio” turn into something so complicated and strangely alluring.
And there I go again blushing like crazy, I placed a hand on my face and felt the heat building up, it was like I had a fever.
And just as if touching my face was an open invitation to him, he took my hand and placed it on his forehead.
Stranger: Do I have a fever? It feels like I have a fever….
Dreamer: You don’t have a fever… and give me my hand back… that’s like the oldest trick in the book you idiot…
Stranger: *slutty smile* caught me there.
I took my hand back and placed it on my lap… away from him.
I couldn’t afford to let that happen again.
He was toxic, he was poison…
He changed whatever came into his path… and sadly as I’ve noticed not to the better.
***
I’m not much of a comforter, it doesn’t mean that I don’t try. It’s just that when I see someone crying it tears me up inside and all the comforting words and the sweet comments seem to desert me and all I do is give them a hug and refuse to let go.
I walked into school and immediately heard the faint sounds of sobbing in a corner.
I tried to walk away, I tried to ignore it but automatically I felt myself walking towards it. Mostly out of curiosity.
And I saw her sitting there… the new transfer student.
Dreamer: umm… hey, are you okay?
Transfer: No… I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me anymore.
Dreamer: ahhh… boy trouble. I don’t think I can really help you there.
Transfer: You can *sob*… you know him *sob*… he likes you*sniffle*… he respects you… he always talks about you…
Dreamer: who?
Transfer: Stranger.
Dreamer: God damn it.
Transfer: What?
Dreamer: nothing… I have to go.
And just like that I walked away. Forgetting she was still crying, forgetting she was still in some kind of pain.
He wasn’t in school yet. He was never on time.
I took my phone out of my bag and called him…
Stranger: Aloo?
Dreamer: what is wrong with you? Can’t you keep it in your pants for once?
Stranger: ok… I can tell you’re angry.
Dreamer: smart…
Stranger: ok… *yawn* so tell me what I’ve done now.
Dreamer: Forget it… you’re such a…. guy.
I hung up and switched off my phone.
Why was I overreacting?
He didn’t owe me anything… he didn’t even owe me an explanation. Yet here I was standing in the middle of the yard feeling nothing but rage and… a hint of jealousy?
And then it dawned on me.
This couldn’t be happening.
I couldn’t really be in love with him?
What happened to it being just infatuation? Something along the lines of shameless lust and yearning.
I closed my eyes and tried to reason with my heart, but that wasn’t helpful at all… my heart had silenced the voice in my head that kept me sane and collected.
I was all over the place… I was having a headache.
If this was love… then I didn’t want anything to do with it.
And then I felt them… the infamous butterflies in the stomach…
Something had to be done!!! This was unacceptable.
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