I was falling madly and deeply in love with him and I did not want to be caught.
Was it for real? Was it the right way to go?
My heart refused to listen to the screams coming from my brain telling me to stop, telling me to hold back.
My brain kept telling me that nothing good could ever come out of it yet my heart was already hearing the words coming out of my mouth.
But first things first…
I’m really sorry but I have to tell you this, you said you would wait… but I need you to know that I don’t have these kinds of feelings for you… and I might never do… I feel terrible… but I couldn’t have you living your life thinking that it would somehow work out between us…
I typed these words and looked at the enter button… I had to… no matter how bad I felt no matter how hard it was.
I could no longer live knowing that I was falling for someone… someone else.
I pushed the button and waited for his calm words to tell me that he forgives me, for that was the kind of person he was sweet, caring and most of all understanding.
“I don’t believe this!!!! You have no shame what so ever!!!! I can’t believe you’re telling me this… go to Hell!!!!”
I stared at the screen and felt the tears in my eyes. I had broken his heart and I deserved every harsh word he spat at me.
I deserved it for leaving it till now….
I just thought I would fall in love with him…. I honestly did.
I cried bitter tears that night…
He was an important person in my life… someone I spent many days and nights talking to, complaining to…
I appreciated him and respected him…
And I deserved it… I deserved it all…
Two weeks later
“I’m sorry I just blew up like that… forgive me… its just I was shocked… surprised… it wasn’t the way I pictured things going between us.
I just never thought to hear those words from you…
I still stand by what I said to you before…
I’ll wait for you…”
I was speechless.
I was shocked.
I was a bitch.
Who throws away love like that? Who in their right mind leaves something so pure… something so sure… and lusts over something so fragile and seemingly mediocre in comparison.
But my heart wasn’t in it…
I couldn’t possibly allow it to go on any longer…
It was against everything I believed love to be.
Love was supposed to consume a person, fill you up with emotions you never knew you could experience.
Love was meant to change you… make you want to be a better you for the person you wanted most in this world.
Love wasn’t what I felt for him…
Not that all-consuming love anyway…
Was it for real? Was it the right way to go?
My heart refused to listen to the screams coming from my brain telling me to stop, telling me to hold back.
My brain kept telling me that nothing good could ever come out of it yet my heart was already hearing the words coming out of my mouth.
But first things first…
I’m really sorry but I have to tell you this, you said you would wait… but I need you to know that I don’t have these kinds of feelings for you… and I might never do… I feel terrible… but I couldn’t have you living your life thinking that it would somehow work out between us…
I typed these words and looked at the enter button… I had to… no matter how bad I felt no matter how hard it was.
I could no longer live knowing that I was falling for someone… someone else.
I pushed the button and waited for his calm words to tell me that he forgives me, for that was the kind of person he was sweet, caring and most of all understanding.
“I don’t believe this!!!! You have no shame what so ever!!!! I can’t believe you’re telling me this… go to Hell!!!!”
I stared at the screen and felt the tears in my eyes. I had broken his heart and I deserved every harsh word he spat at me.
I deserved it for leaving it till now….
I just thought I would fall in love with him…. I honestly did.
I cried bitter tears that night…
He was an important person in my life… someone I spent many days and nights talking to, complaining to…
I appreciated him and respected him…
And I deserved it… I deserved it all…
Two weeks later
“I’m sorry I just blew up like that… forgive me… its just I was shocked… surprised… it wasn’t the way I pictured things going between us.
I just never thought to hear those words from you…
I still stand by what I said to you before…
I’ll wait for you…”
I was speechless.
I was shocked.
I was a bitch.
Who throws away love like that? Who in their right mind leaves something so pure… something so sure… and lusts over something so fragile and seemingly mediocre in comparison.
But my heart wasn’t in it…
I couldn’t possibly allow it to go on any longer…
It was against everything I believed love to be.
Love was supposed to consume a person, fill you up with emotions you never knew you could experience.
Love was meant to change you… make you want to be a better you for the person you wanted most in this world.
Love wasn’t what I felt for him…
Not that all-consuming love anyway…
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